One True Love 7

III


No tawny, fragile, downy, frightened fawn,
Wet shaking at some malodorous stench
Which wafts in heavy, somber waves at dawn
And makes her start, out poke her nose and flinch,


Can tremble more wholly, deeply than my love
At my divergence from solicitude.
Or even thus, a snowy turtle dove
Whose eyes and voice and flight so well imbued


With pulls at heart, and warning screams and cries,
And dashes that can pale the startled mind
Is no more chastisement than are her eyes
When my sad lover no surcease can find.


And so, when pales my skin and chokes my soul,
I must renew our ties or not be whole.

 
"Sonnet III" was first published in Son(love)nets, 1975.  The persona is once again struggling to align the moods of his beloved to the realities of their life together; he feels he can be whole only with her.  Rereading these, I am getting the sense that the woman's emotional hold on herself and the relationship is fragile.

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One true love 6

2

Doings never

Done before -- forever

Lying abed, exchanging

Energy, going

In and out of your

Psyche. wanting

More when enough

Would have been

Crossed long ago –

Are like the floral glow

Unclosing, unfolding

In the velvet

Of a desert night.

"2 Doings Never Done Before" was first published in the booklet Two Wholes Make It Total, 1978.  The persona is fascinated by what for him was a relationship both different and refreshing.  His new love was open and unrestrained by ingrained traditions.

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One true love 5

II


Memory is everywhere

And no constant vigilance

Can allay it.

There is no early-warning system

That can keep

Wronged heads from rolling by

Or the yellow matter,

Lined or what,

From spewing from the sky.



I remember how it was

When I turned your heart with a smile

And opened the door to pain and torment.

Your frown etches its way

Down my forehead.

"II, Memory Is Everywhere" was first published in Memento, 1976.  It is a free verse poem whose persona expresses his inability to forget his "one true love."  In fact, one reason I quit my full-time position and moved to another city was to get away from everything that reminded me of the "one true love" that I had lost.

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One True Love 4

Sonnet II


Your love’s phased out, darkly, like the new moon,
And, patient, I await its far return.
The month-long day creeps slowly on in tune
With old drummers who no quick beat can learn.

Your smile and heart are in solar eclipse,
And darkness lies on the romantic realm.
The deep, thick time mute groans, unwieldy limps.
My heart in shadowless sea grabs close its helm.

Your touch is frozen with winter’s cold grip.
The view is frosted with a grayish haze.
Each minute, day-by-day, in icy strips
A chilling bite across my forehead lays

Then suddenly through requiem of time,
Sun shines, moon glows, spring blooms, and you are mine.

"Sonnet II" was published in the booklet Son(love)nets, 1975.  It is also a Shakespearean sonnet, although with some slant rhyme.  My love was moody, and in her moods could not be moved by anything external to her own desires.  The persona is baffled by this moodiness, but is elated when it dissipates.

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One True Love 3

1

There are girls I have possessed –

Frightened as they were,

But yielding finally.

There are girls I satisfied –

Hungry for closeness

And affection.

There are girls I befriended

Needing as they did

A hard-time helper.

But when I got together

With you, woman,

Two halves made a whole.

"1"("There are girls I have possessed") was first published in the self-published booklet Two Wholes Make It Total, 1978.  As with Memento, the drawings were originally hand drawn and have been  replicated for the computer, so some have changed slightly. The persona is reflecting on the immature relationships that he had had in the past and how the new relationship was fulfilling in that it demanded honesty, sincerity and integrity.
 
The subject of these poems had just gone through a breakup just as I had, and we came together and helped each other reassess who we were and where we were going.
 
Loss has finally been replaced with something else that is special: knowledge of self and purpose.

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One True Love 2

I


The wind can blow my mind away

Into the pain of reflection,

And each mote

Is a memory

That I cannot brush

From my face.

Each drop will not evaporate

From recollection.

I turn my face,

Only to have the wind

Whisper in my ears

And lash my face

With my own hair

And moan,

“Remember,

Remember,

Remember . . . .”

 
"I"("The wind can blow my mind away") was first published in the self-published booklet Memento, 1976.  It is a free verse poem reflective of the persona's devastation at the loss of his one true love.  I knew that I would never love anyone else in the same way with a commitment to raising a family; I was also aware that since my children had been taken 3,000 miles away, I would not have a parent-child relationship with them.

The drawings are original and went with each poem in Memento.  They were originally drawn by hand, but I have replicated them on the computer and some have changed slightly.
 
One of my favorite books of free verse love poetry is This Is My Beloved by Walter Benton.
 
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One True Love 1

Sonnet I


Misty out, I rise for my devotions,
So pale and agape before you there,
Entreating, bent low with supplication,
Making mystic ceremonious prayer.

Convoluted in your omnipresence
Involving aromatic, palpable
And all that I possess which sense,
I kneel in rapture, slow, intractable.

My knees are on the floor before the altar;
I bow and brush the chalice with my breath.
The cathedral, velvet draped, won’t falter
Until the union between life and death.

Thus do I make ‘raptured, carnal motions,
And compensate withal with devotions.


"Sonnet I" was first published in the self-published booklet Son(love)nets, 1975.  It is a traditional Shakespearan sonnet with a rhyme scheme of abab cdcd efef gg and written in iambic pentameter. The persona (speaker) of the poem is obviously in love.

This and succeeding blogs are poems written to or about two women that I loved and still love. I am not going to name the women involved in this blog, for I haven’t spoken to them, so it would not be fair to name them without their knowledge.

The first one I loved and thought I would be with forever, but circumstances turned out otherwise, even though I never stopped loving her.

The second one helped me understand myself better, so I could move on from the loss of the first.

If either reads this blog, she will recognize the poems, for she had them before the world had them.

I am publishing them in this order: one to the first woman, one about the loss, one to the second woman. I will publish three every week.

This first poem is the first of 10 sonnets that I wrote to this woman, who was my mate. I wrote one every month for the first ten months of our being together until the relationship began to break down and turn into a battle of wills.


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