Thursday, January 27, 2011

One True Love 12



4



Two comets,

Bright fires licking

And playing with the universe,

Their tails sparking

Laughter and hope,

Careened through space

From opposite galaxies

On collision orbits.



When they met

In a cosmic coitus,

Their orbits became one

As they wreathed

One around the other

In a spectacular, spiraling

Glow of love.

 
"4, Two comets" was first published in Two Wholes Make It Total, 1978.  The persona is overwhelmed by the intensity of feeling that the new love brings to him. The connection here is not just physical or emotional; he has already had those kinds of connections.  The connection is psychic.

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Tuesday, January 25, 2011

One True Love 11



IV



Memory only

Holds me tight:

The spiteful lover

Of lonely nights.

 
"IV Memory only" was first published in Memento, 1976.  Nights--without busy work, without the one true love lying in bed with the persona, with uncontrolled thoughts and emotions brought on by memories--are the loneliest times.
 
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Friday, January 21, 2011

One True Love 10

IV


Our love grows stronger, stauncher like two vines
Which, planted underneath an archway stitched
With trellis work, climb up in certain lines
Until the two are caught together, hitched.


The early fragile, green and hopeful plants
Were first in shallow beds cautiously laid.
Then, nurtured well against every instance
Of drought or wash or storm, they stayed.


They grew and twined and climbed, approached the peak,
Their branches thickened and their leaves spread out,
Next flowers blossomed as day grew to week,
And stems advanced and reached and sought about.


And thus, by surge and lance the vines had clasped
Each other; love was grasped and held at last.

 
"Sonnet IV" was first published in Son(love)nets, 1975.  Although the persona in this poem is hopeful, once again the building of love seems to be an excruciating process.  Where is the joy?  The title of the collection is telling, also: the male "Son" is caught in "nets" made of "love."  Implied is something not quite natural that has to be constructed by the romantic idealist.
 
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Thursday, January 20, 2011

One True Love 9



3



Their eyes had all been

Your eyes, but I hadn’t known.

Their lips had all been

Your lips – unknown.

Their touch had been

But to prepare me for your own.

They had all been signs

Pointing me the way along.

If I had only known the song,

I would’ve heard fate

Calling me on.

Then you were here

And I knew:

Through a million kisses

I had been alone.

 
"3, Their Eyes Had All Been" was first published in Two Wholes Make It Total, 1978.  To find someone who understands who you are and what you need to be happy is startling because it is a rare occurrence.

Below are three great books about strangers.

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

One True Love 8



III




I

AM

A

LONE,

BUT

ME

MORIES.


"III, I" was first published in Memento, 1976; it was subsequently published on my website www.jerrycblanton.com, 2009.  The persona can say hardly anything: his one true love has left him alone, taken the children and gone; all he has left are memories.  The verticality and separation of words in this very simple poem present a starkness and disruption of a life torn apart by painful memories. "Mories" in the last line is reflective of the Latin word for death (mori), suggesting that the persona suffers many emotional deaths from each memory.
 
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Monday, January 17, 2011

Martin Luther King Jr., an American Idol



HOW MLK COST ME 15 HOURS OF “A”



I interned as a teacher in the spring of 1968 at Cherokee Junior High School in Orlando during a time when the Civil Rights Movement and the Vietnam War had polarized the country. I had completed all required class work and needed only the internship to complete my bachelor’s degree in English with a minor in education. I was in for less than I expected – less socially, less ethically, less educationally.

The center of the Civil Rights Movement was Dr. Martin Luther King Jr., an eloquent speaker who had been raised and educated on the King James Version of the Bible, just as I had. When he spoke, I heard the Elizabethan cadences in his speech. His nonviolent resistance to unjust laws and inequalities was as close as anyone in America came to following the exemplar of Jesus Christ; I admired his courage. He had become a hero to me because I understood the prejudice and hatred he was up against.

I was born in Alabama, but I had an extraordinary father, who taught me to judge all human beings by their character and productivity, not by any outward appearance. He backed up his words with his actions, so I saw him treat everyone with kindness and consideration. He said, “Remember, the center of Christianity is love. You must love all other human beings, even those who hurt you and say evil things against you.” That was a tough rule to follow, but I saw that rule practiced by Dr. King.

My wife interned at Boone High School, so for $75 a month we got a garage apartment off Mills Avenue and rode the city buses. We were poor but educated and eager to conquer the classroom and contribute to the education of children.

My first day at school I met my supervising teacher (Mrs. R), a good old girl from Georgia, a stout brunette with blue eyes and an engaging smile and polite Southern manners.

My first clue that something was ethically amiss was the classroom seating arrangement. In Mrs. R’s classes, all the white students sat up front while all the black students sat in the back. Mrs. R responded eagerly to the raised hands of the white students while the darker-skinned back rows glowered in sullen neglect.

The second clue that something was not ethically right in the school was the segmented, racially charged faculty eating arrangements. Some optimistic or evasive teachers ate in the cafeteria with the students. A group of black teachers and teachers originally from the North ate in the teachers lounge. A group of middle-aged white Southern teachers ate in the boiler room. Mrs. R invited me to join her and her Southern cronies in the boiler room.

I had bitten into my ham and cheese sandwich from my sack lunch when the first nigger joke went out into the hot, smoke-filled air of the boiler room. The first was followed by a volley of denigrating jokes about blacks. I nearly choked on the ham, but covered my revulsion with a smile.

After that day, I realized I would have to walk a careful line with Mrs. R. I didn’t want to be complicit with the racism, but I also wanted to get a decent grade so I could graduate. I told her that I was going to eat in the cafeteria with the students, so I could learn more about them faster. She seemed to accept that as a plausible tactic for a beginning teacher, and I never ate in the boiler room again.

I planned my lessons and taught everyone in the class and avoided discussing politics. The black students learned along with the white ones. They smiled at me and asked me questions. They understood I wasn’t like Mrs. R.; only when Mrs. R. appeared would they revert to their former state: mute dismay. After six weeks, Mrs. R told me that she could see I was going to be a fine teacher and that I had an “A in the bag.”

Then Dr. Martin Luther King Jr., my hero, was assassinated. My wife and I spent the night in a dark, oppressive cloud, worried about what would happen next. I dreaded encountering Mrs. R. the next day.

However, a story from the Bible settled in my mind. I’m sure it was a story that Martin Luther King Jr. had been very familiar with. On the night before Jesus’s arrest, Jesus had told his apostle Peter that he would deny Jesus three times before the cock crowed the next sunrise. Peter said that would never happen, but sure enough, when Peter was confronted by the Jewish authorities who said “You are one of the followers of the Christ, aren’t you?” three times he denied it before the cock crowed. This failure of courage bothered Peter the rest of his life.

The day after the assassination, several of the overwrought teachers were absent. The black teachers and the teachers from the North who did show up wore black armbands and wept. The bigoted Southern teachers wore snide smiles and snickering grins.

Through the tension of that morning I walked with Mrs. R to class. She strutted. I prayed for silence and academic mercy. She said, meaning Martin Luther King, “He got what he deserved.”

I took a deep breath, but then I blurted my true feelings. “I’m sorry, but I disagree. Martin Luther King was a great man and what he was doing will ultimately benefit all Americans, not just blacks. Now all we have left are the radicals, and we’ll have riots and burning cities.”

Arching her eyebrows, she looked askance at me and said, “You may be right, but you’re not a true Southerner.”

“Maybe not.”

“The only reason I accepted you as an intern was that I saw you were from Alabama.”

I shrugged, but I was proud that I had not denied my hero, and I would try my best to love Mrs. R. even if she hated me.

The rest of the semester was tense, but we managed to not speak politics again. At the end of the term, she presented me a cigarette lighter and wished me well and smiled politely, deceptively.

My directing professor from the university voiced some confusion about my progress as an intern, but he asked no direct questions. He followed the supervising teacher’s lead. When my grades came out, I had fifteen hours of B, a 3.0 GPA, instead of fifteen hours of A, a 4.0 GPA. The bigot had had her slight revenge, and Martin Luther King was dead. I did not protest the  unfair grades based on bigotry and accepted the grades as my piddling sacrifice in the struggle against racism and bigotry.

THE END
 
As an educator I knew that "separate but equal" was no longer the law of the land, so teachers that continued separate but unequal in their classrooms were violating the spirit and letter of the law.  I also understood how the unopened minds of the bigots were as much a burden on themselves as on the ones they hated.
 
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Friday, January 14, 2011

One True Love 7

III


No tawny, fragile, downy, frightened fawn,
Wet shaking at some malodorous stench
Which wafts in heavy, somber waves at dawn
And makes her start, out poke her nose and flinch,


Can tremble more wholly, deeply than my love
At my divergence from solicitude.
Or even thus, a snowy turtle dove
Whose eyes and voice and flight so well imbued


With pulls at heart, and warning screams and cries,
And dashes that can pale the startled mind
Is no more chastisement than are her eyes
When my sad lover no surcease can find.


And so, when pales my skin and chokes my soul,
I must renew our ties or not be whole.

 
"Sonnet III" was first published in Son(love)nets, 1975.  The persona is once again struggling to align the moods of his beloved to the realities of their life together; he feels he can be whole only with her.  Rereading these, I am getting the sense that the woman's emotional hold on herself and the relationship is fragile.

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Thursday, January 13, 2011

One true love 6



2

Doings never

Done before -- forever

Lying abed, exchanging

Energy, going

In and out of your

Psyche. wanting

More when enough

Would have been

Crossed long ago –

Are like the floral glow

Unclosing, unfolding

In the velvet

Of a desert night.

"2 Doings Never Done Before" was first published in the booklet Two Wholes Make It Total, 1978.  The persona is fascinated by what for him was a relationship both different and refreshing.  His new love was open and unrestrained by ingrained traditions.

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Monday, January 10, 2011

One true love 5



II


Memory is everywhere

And no constant vigilance

Can allay it.

There is no early-warning system

That can keep

Wronged heads from rolling by

Or the yellow matter,

Lined or what,

From spewing from the sky.



I remember how it was

When I turned your heart with a smile

And opened the door to pain and torment.

Your frown etches its way

Down my forehead.

"II, Memory Is Everywhere" was first published in Memento, 1976.  It is a free verse poem whose persona expresses his inability to forget his "one true love."  In fact, one reason I quit my full-time position and moved to another city was to get away from everything that reminded me of the "one true love" that I had lost.

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Friday, January 7, 2011

One True Love 4



Sonnet II


Your love’s phased out, darkly, like the new moon,
And, patient, I await its far return.
The month-long day creeps slowly on in tune
With old drummers who no quick beat can learn.

Your smile and heart are in solar eclipse,
And darkness lies on the romantic realm.
The deep, thick time mute groans, unwieldy limps.
My heart in shadowless sea grabs close its helm.

Your touch is frozen with winter’s cold grip.
The view is frosted with a grayish haze.
Each minute, day-by-day, in icy strips
A chilling bite across my forehead lays

Then suddenly through requiem of time,
Sun shines, moon glows, spring blooms, and you are mine.

"Sonnet II" was published in the booklet Son(love)nets, 1975.  It is also a Shakespearean sonnet, although with some slant rhyme.  My love was moody, and in her moods could not be moved by anything external to her own desires.  The persona is baffled by this moodiness, but is elated when it dissipates.

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Wednesday, January 5, 2011

One True Love 3



1

There are girls I have possessed –

Frightened as they were,

But yielding finally.


There are girls I satisfied –

Hungry for closeness

And affection.


There are girls I befriended

Needing as they did

A hard-time helper.


But when I got together

With you, woman,

Two halves made a whole.


"1"("There are girls I have possessed") was first published in the self-published booklet Two Wholes Make It Total, 1978.  As with Memento, the drawings were originally hand drawn and have been  replicated for the computer, so some have changed slightly. The persona is reflecting on the immature relationships that he had had in the past and how the new relationship was fulfilling in that it demanded honesty, sincerity and integrity.
 
The subject of these poems had just gone through a breakup just as I had, and we came together and helped each other reassess who we were and where we were going.
 
Loss has finally been replaced with something else that is special: knowledge of self and purpose.

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Sunday, January 2, 2011

One True Love 2



I


The wind can blow my mind away

Into the pain of reflection,

And each mote

Is a memory

That I cannot brush

From my face.

Each drop will not evaporate

From recollection.

I turn my face,

Only to have the wind

Whisper in my ears

And lash my face

With my own hair

And moan,

“Remember,

Remember,

Remember . . . .”

 
"I"("The wind can blow my mind away") was first published in the self-published booklet Memento, 1976.  It is a free verse poem reflective of the persona's devastation at the loss of his one true love.  I knew that I would never love anyone else in the same way with a commitment to raising a family; I was also aware that since my children had been taken 3,000 miles away, I would not have a parent-child relationship with them.

The drawings are original and went with each poem in Memento.  They were originally drawn by hand, but I have replicated them on the computer and some have changed slightly.
 
One of my favorite books of free verse love poetry is This Is My Beloved by Walter Benton.
 
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Saturday, January 1, 2011

One True Love 1

Sonnet I


Misty out, I rise for my devotions,
So pale and agape before you there,
Entreating, bent low with supplication,
Making mystic ceremonious prayer.

Convoluted in your omnipresence
Involving aromatic, palpable
And all that I possess which sense,
I kneel in rapture, slow, intractable.

My knees are on the floor before the altar;
I bow and brush the chalice with my breath.
The cathedral, velvet draped, won’t falter
Until the union between life and death.

Thus do I make ‘raptured, carnal motions,
And compensate withal with devotions.


"Sonnet I" was first published in the self-published booklet Son(love)nets, 1975.  It is a traditional Shakespearan sonnet with a rhyme scheme of abab cdcd efef gg and written in iambic pentameter. The persona (speaker) of the poem is obviously in love.

This and succeeding blogs are poems written to or about two women that I loved and still love. I am not going to name the women involved in this blog, for I haven’t spoken to them, so it would not be fair to name them without their knowledge.

The first one I loved and thought I would be with forever, but circumstances turned out otherwise, even though I never stopped loving her.

The second one helped me understand myself better, so I could move on from the loss of the first.

If either reads this blog, she will recognize the poems, for she had them before the world had them.

I am publishing them in this order: one to the first woman, one about the loss, one to the second woman. I will publish three every week.

This first poem is the first of 10 sonnets that I wrote to this woman, who was my mate. I wrote one every month for the first ten months of our being together until the relationship began to break down and turn into a battle of wills.


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